Oct. 31st 2012
Nothing. I want to do nothing. I couldn't get online so I wrote it on paper. Paper! I haven't used paper to write anything but grocery lists. It doesn't feel like Halloween. The only treat will be a hot shower. I see it in my neighbors' faces. We're walking around like zombies without the stage makeup. We're all tired, cold and miserable. But I get to catch up with neighbors. We sat in a supermarket's food court today just to pass the time, keep warm and kibitz a little bit. At least we can ban together and help each other out. I helped my 92 year old neighbor stop the beeping on her electric fire alarm. Others were offering to let us put some food in their fridge that was being kept cold by a generator. I want to take them up on their generosity, but I just don't know where we'll be. Maybe at home, maybe at a friends, maybe at my mothers. I can't decide. My brain is foggy. You know I'm not myself when I can't even read a book. I'm not interested. Uh oh-- now we know something's wrong.
Nov. 1st 2012
I thought I was on solid ground. I thought I was one of the few that really had my head on straight. I Wow, was I wrong. One big hurricane and it rattled my world. How my ego likes to feel in control and enjoys its routine. I was not one of the unlucky ones losing my home, or my life. I shouldn’t even complain. But if I’m going to be honest here and witness my shortcomings I have to admit that I am unusually, uncomfortably left of center. That song of Suzanne Vega's was one of my favorites to sing. I fell in love with the movie and the first boy who paid any attention to me. I sang that song and listened to the Pretty In Pink soundtrack so many times that I broke the audio cassette. Well, now I feel very much left of center. I really like to think of myself as one who will be the light and help others stay centered, but I find myself complaining to my friends and Yoga students. Who is this person who is moping around? Who is she that scowls at her husband for every little thing and snarls when she can not get on the internet in yet another Hot Spot? It really is ridiculous. I am watching myself, mildly amused at how childish I am being. I did do my meditation and Hatha practices this morning, but I have to admit what is really making me feel better is Ghiradelli Intense Dark Sea Salt Chocolate. God bless the Chocolatiers, and my husband for buying a whole bag.
P.S. This reminds me of a story Guruji told us. (I'm not very good at retelling stories or jokes, Lord knows I've got a terrible memory for these things, so forgive me. I'll try my best.)
There was a king who used to give a lot of money to the Yogic monastery near his kingdom. All of the kings did, knowing that they did a good thing praying for all of the kingdom, etc. Then one day one of the king's advisors told him that he shouldn't give them money anymore. The king was now doubting his donation to the Yogis so he went to visit. The Yoga Master greeted him warmly and after hearing the king's concerns told him to meet the Master at his army's bunks at midnight when all were asleep. The king was confused but did as the Master told him. When he arrived at the army bunks the Master took a freezing cold bucket of water and threw it on the soldiers. They woke screaming obscenities and looked as if they were ready to kill. Knowing the king was confused, the Master asked him to please now meet him tomorrow night at the Yogi's bunks. The next night the king came as requested and stood by as the Master again threw a bucket of cold water on the sleeping Yogis. They awoke quickly with a prayer of Om Shanti and there was not a single one of them who had the thought to kill the one who woke them in such a jarring way. The king understood immediately. He vowed to grant the Monastery their money for the rest of his lifetime.
This one of my favorite stories. I want to be the Yogi whose inner peace never wavers no matter what the world throws at me. Yet today I feel like the soldier. I wasn't cursing but I was not happy.
Nov. 2nd 2012
Okay. A little bit more centered. I think it is the quiet. I'm at a friend's house, catching up on emails, sending out scripts and apologizing for them being late due to the fact that I haven't been online in many days. I feel better though, for I can finally be in touch with family and friends via online and the phone seems to work now. Also, I feel centered today, maybe because of the familiar typing rhythm, the soothing click of the keyboard in a quiet space with doggies to keep me company. I don't know what it is but I am grateful today for so many things-- for friends, food that was salvaged from the uncool fridge, for my safety and the safety of my loved ones. I am so grateful for the unconditional love of my dog friends. I am still grateful for the chocolate that surprisingly has a few pieces left in the bag. Yet, I am not as "in need" of it. I am grateful for the sound of the electric saws and chippers that are cleaning up the area. Thank you guys who are heros to so many by cleaning up, bringing back roads, safe areas and electricity. I'm also feeling ready to be creative again.