This Is Hard To Admit

It's so clear out today.  Sunshine makes the chill not so bad.  Yoga Dog and I went exploring this morning and found some new nooks to imagine what lived inside. I'm so grateful for our morning walks together.  Because I am not a morning person, even though for the past decade I've had to be, I do not hesitate when he wakes me up with the tapping of his toenails on the wood floor.  His need to go to the bathroom pulls me right out of bed without a thought to ignore him.

This is what meditation is supposed to be like.  It is supposed to be automatic, a call to worship, a call to honor and commune with the millions of others waking at dawn to connect to the universe.  It has been awhile since I did my daily meditation practice.  This is hard to admit for me.  For six years I woke up early and enjoyed the silence, the connection to the Om of the world, and a deep connection to God that I felt.  I wondered why everyone did not do this simple practice in the morning.  The hardest part was rolling out of bed, but once I sat cross-legged in front of Guruji's picture, Swamiji's, Shiva and Grandma Irene, I felt like I had walked straight into a family group hug.  I also added in a little ritual I garnered from the Native American sweat lodge ceremonies I had been to.  I added a hand wave around the candle in lieu of walking around the sacred fire.  As I circled the flame I gave away anything I was holding onto that was not serving me and into that void, I thought deeply about what I wanted to invite in that day.  It could have been love, patience, gratefulness, etc.  I enjoyed this moment in my day when I could remind myself what I wanted to think about during the day.  I used to say that I could tell the difference if I didn't meditate and when I did.  If I was running late and skipped meditation then I was impatient with my students and found myself unhappier throughout the day.  So how did this happen that I lost my meditation practice?  I am embarrassed because I teach that meditation is important and I have seen it transform my friends into living Saints.  So how did I lose my way?  My routine was interrupted I suppose.  Life changed a little. 

And yet, here I am early in the morning, after walking the dog.  I feel good that we had some nice winter breaths outside, some exercise and now it is time to begin again.  Here I go, before the hunger pangs arrive and I start my day.  Before the dust on the furniture pulls me into a chore.  Before I remember how many things are on my To do list, I will sit on my meditation cushion and see what happens.

Om Shanti.

Yoga Girl *

This Is Hard To Admit