The other day I had a breakdown. Why Oh why is it so hard to know what the universe wants us to put our energy into? Sometimes the teachings say that you make opportunities happen which is part of the Divine plan. Other times the teachings say that you must let go of thinking that you “do” anything, for if you think that it is you, then God does not have to step in, for you’re already doing it.
I had a breakdown because I didn’t schmooze the other day. I was seeing a brilliant play and when I saw someone I knew that worked for the theatre, instead of telling her that I had just finished my masterpiece and I’m looking for a home for it to come to life, I gurgled something to the tune of “Things are good, good and you?” I don’t know how I’m going to be successful if I can’t talk up my own work? The play’s really good. It has to be done more than any other play of mine because it is inspired and written for my cousin who is quadriplegic. It’s about his love of dance. He’s been living unable to move much for almost twenty years. I don’t know how much longer he has left. I want to get it done and maybe he can come see it, or a video of it at least. Selling this play to a theatre is a priority and feels doable because I am not thinking of myself, I’m thinking of my cousin.
In the back of my mind for a year now, is another avenue that might lead me into a successful writing career: Yoga Girl. I have been thinking lately about the teachings of “making opportunities happen” and therefore dreaming about putting together an evening of live Yoga Girl and Swami Cat skits that I could perform at the Yoga studios I know. That seems doable, and fun. I don’t like acting, the pressure, the memorizing, etc. but I could do it if I focused on it as a teaching tool. Then again it is not for me, it is for others.
And on the way home tonight, it hit me—how to tell when the universe wants you to focus on a particular path. I was coming home from a very exciting meeting on the Yoga Life Society’s ashram. Guruji and several others spoke about opening up a YLS home and in a few years this will hopefully become a reality. We spoke about when, not if. And even more than that, I could see how my love of creating art and my love of Yoga could fit into life at the ashram. After the evening Hatha classes end the space could then be used to hold readings of uplifting plays, watch Spiritually minded movies or chant the night away.
All the way home I thought about this and sang out loud, no radio necessary. My body was tingling, fizzing with excitement. Then I started speaking aloud to myself as if I was writing this blog. I had to rush home and type it. I figured it out! When my whole being is engaged and fully alive that must be the universe saying – Yes this way! Full steam ahead. This is what it feels like when I’m in the middle of a script and I just know it is going to be good. This was the opposite of a break down, it was a break through!
Now all I have to do is practice the art of schmoozing and maybe the bubbling excitement will come from that too. I doubt it. But maybe someday I can hire a publicity person to do that for me. Now that gets me excited.